Sunday, December 07, 2008

Missing Home.... The last time I was home on the farm was November 2007... over a year ago now. I have a case of home sickness. Now I know that three days on the farm and I will be more than ready to get the hell out of there, but right now I miss the sights, sounds, and friends there. Most of the homesickness comes from the memories I have of growing up on the Kent farm, but those are just memories and they grow fonder with time. Often the reality of the farm is not as appealing. Plus I just do not have much in common with my family. They dis-owned me for years and it, sad to say, had no effect on my life. I had a difficult childhood. My childhood best friend's Mom and Dad where more family than my own most of the time. At 14 I started working (at the Chipley Motel) just to have more independence from my family. Now that is not to say my parents were not good to me... they gave me everything I could ask for and more. They just did not have any idea how to relate to a gay son. I did not make it easy for them either. I was so full of emotions... and I focused all the negative one on them. They got all the hate and frustration. There was no one they could have turned to for help in such a small town, so they did the best they could. I did the best I could too, I ran as fast and as far as I could as soon as I could. Huntingdon, Chipola, UWF, North Carolina, Alabama, New Orleans, Pensacola, Arizona, Panama ... the list of places goes on and on... Time flies when you are never in the same place more than a few years (or weeks)

Still I get homesick for the farm. Week after next I will make a trip down before Christmas. I so want to go and dread it at the same time. It is hard to make nice while I am there... and harder the older I get. For years now every trip down I end-up with my feeling hurt and not wanting to return for a long time. One of these trips I'll not be able to hold my tongue and say exactly what I feel and think. Then I'll be dis-owned again for 10 more years.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think what I miss most is the innocence of the time. When I didn't realize that there was such a bigger world out there and everything I wanted was within my relm (more or less lol) (Could have done without the barking cows) The things I thought SO important then that mean so little now. I do find it funny that as I get older I find myself less inclined to "argue" and just go along with things becuase they just don't matter as much and you seem to be getting more and more like I used to be. :)

Hope to see you while you are down!!
B

Kenneth said...

I hope to see you too... in fact you are the only one I am looking forward to seeing...

I don't remember you being the Hermit? You pushed Jon out the window! you are a hero!

Anonymous said...

I still claim that I have no such memory ROTF LMAO!!!!!!!!!

No really, I don't actually remember pushing him, but I remember him sitting there and then pop he was gone and I was in the floor in uncontrolable laughter!! Plasable deniablity!!!
B