Tis the season! The cards are all addressed, the tree is all together, even the hall is all decked! I fell sorry for you if your shopping is not done for the malls are all packed!
Next week I get to travel south to see the folks. Brian will not get to go this time... He has an appointment on Wednesday right in the middle of the week and I have obligations on both the this weekend and next... I do wish he could be there, but I understand. A friend commented about I seemed down, truth, I am down a little. It has been very cold the last few months and the cold weather alway make me hurt just a little more for the warm beaches of home. That with Christmas and my last visit home was November 2007... I think some of it is home sickness. I know that sounds odd coming from me. If you know my family you know that there is much sadness there and may wonder why I would miss that. Christmas was one of the few times the folks seemed normal and some of my happiest memories are around the season of Yule.
So many things change in life... all the time. I have become a much more open person... It is funny that what is on the outside, is often not a good indicator of what is on the inside. I let so few back home get close to me. Most of them only want to know the Kenny that left 20+ years ago. Sad, he was only a shell of a person... only skin deep. You know, like the protective crust the covers the sherbets in your grandmothers freezer. That shell was to protect a young gay boy from the people and family of a small town... I don't fit into that shell anymore it is like wearing a shirt 2 sizes too small. I have had a good laugh at many of those I went to school with and it seems that all the kids in high school in the 80's are now on facebook... the funny thing is those that join my friends list but them disappear from it a few days later... when they realize I am gay.
Then there is the entire other side of it... money. I have the greediest family... I will not say all of them are... just most. Kevin is not... he had rather do without than ask for help, which is why I do what I can for them often. Most of the others just want my signature on a blank check. My father and step mother accused me of taking a 40, 000 cd that they could not find back when Mom passed! ... this after asking me to sign over 20 acres of Kent farm to him which he turned around and sold to strangers...outside the family without telling me he wanted it to sell! I know what happened the money but I would not tell him... Mom gave it Aunt Silvia who died a few months after Mom... and not that I am on a dirt roll I must stop myself before I get to my brothers three girls.... while it would feel great to get it out. I just do not have the time. I am just going to say: Drug dealing, stripper, drop outs, won't work, living with/off Kevin and Darlene, father of there kid(s) is or has been in jail... that is enough. Those statements apply to more than one of them at a time! They have the nerve to ask for money, a new car, or something else each and every time I see them. It kills me that they will not get jobs and work for money to buy the things they need or want! I do not understand that at all.
Well I feel much better... it is warmer and raining (love the rain) and I got a few things off my chest.... I can breath! It is going to be a great day!
Sorry for those that had to read this session... but thanks.